Grim Gathering 2017 Caption Contest

 

Enter this caption contest to win a dedicated book straight from Mark Lawrence’s bookshelf! 

Rules:

You can submit your entry to any number of pictures, so can caption one, two, three, or all four of them, just please indicate which picture your caption belongs to (1-4).

Please submit your entry here through the comment field at the bottom of this page.

The contest will be closing on Sunday, 1st October 2017.

Best entry wins!

 

Photo #1

 

Photo #2

 

Photo #3

 

Photo #4

 

 

Please note: your email address will be required to comment below but will NOT appear on the website!

(Alternatively you can also log in with your WordPress/Facebook/Twitter account)

Best of luck,

Agnes


PS: I did a live video streaming of the event with my mobile, starts off a bit shaky but should be steady after the first few minutes. You can watch it here: https://www.facebook.com/mitriel/videos/10155730808927156/

 

  45 comments for “Grim Gathering 2017 Caption Contest

  1. September 26, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    Photo #1:
    Mark: I can prove to you mathematically that with a gun THAT big, Jorg could put a hole in the Bloody-Nine’s head, easy peasy.
    Joe: OH really, Mark.

    Photo: #2:
    Joe: Hey, Mark wanna know why the blond guy on the left is so happy?
    Mark: Yeah, sure.
    Joe: I told him that your next trilogy would be about Jorg’s son. Hehehehe.

    Photo #3:
    Peter: Oh so she is THAT kind of a nun, I completely misunderstood the theme of the book.
    Joe: Nona is as much of a nun as is my Ferro Maljinn.

    Photo #4:
    Mark: So that’s how I got a lot of people from facebook and reddit to vote on what Grimdark is.
    Peter: Fascinating.
    Joe: How on earth did you think it was a good idea to let the internet decide??

    Like

  2. dhb460
    September 26, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    Photo #3: “if we look busy, maybe the will leave us alone…”

    Like

  3. September 26, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    #1 Mark: “The Seven!? I would have called it the six-hundred and sixty-six!”

    Joe: “Shouldn’t have bought decaff.”

    Peter: “Hail Mary, full of Grace.”

    Like

  4. September 26, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    #2 Joe: “So I took his head, just like this here book, and sqeeezed!”

    Mark: “Brain fart.”

    Anna: “Why is this guy jumping on the couch? Where’s my knife!?”

    Like

  5. September 26, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    1:
    Mark: seriously it was THIS BIG!
    Pete: really…? I’m not sure—
    Joe: no it fucking wasn’t

    2:
    Mark: oh, yes… you’re right. It wasn’t…
    Pete and Joe: hehehehehehe

    3:
    Pete and Joe: shit it really WAS that big….

    4:
    Mark: and then he set it on fire—
    Pete: you wrote WHAT about the puppy?!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yuri
    September 26, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    Why there’s not upper picture in this contest? It would be:

    Joe: So, you’ve cracked the core, how does it feel?
    Mark: Nothing in all the world can kill this taste.

    Like

  7. Leah
    September 26, 2017 at 4:04 pm

    #1: Mark: So, Joe’s ears are, like, this big…

    #2 Anna: Joe, I’m not even going to look at you until you stop doing your Gollum impression.

    #4 Joe: When I was starting out, I used to have get up at three in the morning, write fifty pages, all with a blunt pencil and paper, send it to my agent, who’d send it back and make me write t’whole lot over again.

    Mark: You were lucky to have paper! I used to have to rewrite my entire manuscript every day, on t’palm of hand with an imaginary pen, peel t’skin off and send it to my agent, who’d put it through t’shredder and tell me I would never amount to anything.

    Peter: Luxury. I used to have to tattoo an entire trilogy on my navel every evening, run thirty miles through a bog in t’dark so my agent could flay me and charge me thruppence for every use of the letter ‘e’.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Earl Johnson
    September 26, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Photo #2: An event that hasn’t happened for an age…a GrimMoot. Lawrence, Brett, Abercrombie, yes yes many have come…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Steve Kimmins
    September 26, 2017 at 6:43 pm

    Photo #4. Mark: you mean you two didn’t realise that the core of the Red Queens War series is the Jalan/Snorri bromance??

    Photo #3. Hang on. People are giving us Harry Potter books to sign?! On the other hand let her join the Grimdark club…..

    Photo #2. Joe Abercrombie (laughing); you’re the first to know that the trilogy I’m writing is the first Grimdark comedy. About my crippled torturer, Glotka, who gets transported to a world where they enjoy pain and despair! Forcing him to become an evil tickler and comedian in order to ‘torture’ them.

    Like

  10. Eamonn Wilson
    September 26, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    1. Mark “with a bag of sand in one hand, I quickly swapped it for the golden idol”
    Joe, Peter “….”

    2. Joe “hahaha it was raiders of…hahaha”
    Peter “….the lost ark hahahaha”
    Mark… *buggah*

    3. Peter *needs more tattoos*
    Joe *needs and antihero… with nine fingers*

    4. Mark “..and if you put 58008 into a calculator and turn it upside down, you get…”
    Joe “heh heh BOOBS….”
    Peter “that’s BRILLIANT!!”

    Like

  11. CoffeeArchives
    September 27, 2017 at 2:09 am

    Photo #1:

    Mark: I’m telling you, ten fingers are better than nine!
    Joe: Every time we meet…
    Peter: Yes, yes they are.

    Photo #2:

    Joe: *grabbing book from table* You’ve been iced, Mark!
    Mark: There is something brittle inside me that will break before I drink Smirnoff again.

    Photo #3:

    Peter and Joe: Wait, we actually have to read each other’s books?
    Mark: *sadly drinks his Smirnoff Ice*

    Like

  12. Lee Brooks
    September 27, 2017 at 9:35 am

    photo #2
    Peter: “smell this one guys”
    Anna: “Oh my god please no!”
    Mark: “I can hold my breath for 3 minutes watch”
    Peat and Joe: “who fucking cares? That sounded hilarious”

    photo #3
    Peat: “My book feels heavier than Mark’s.”
    Joe: “Yeah, but what’s your font size?”
    Mark: *Let me finish this manly drink and I’ll show who’s biggest*
    Anna: *Boys comparing sizes again, sigh.*

    photo #4
    Mark: “I had a great idea for the next chapter and wrote it on my hand”
    Joe: *Feeling smug, I bet the ink ran, the fool*
    Peat: *Incredulous, why didn’t he add it as a note in his phone, I wrote huge chunks of the painted man on my phone, is he mad?*

    Like

    • October 1, 2017 at 10:46 pm

      The first one actually made me chuckle but hey, I do like toilet humour! 🙂

      Like

  13. September 28, 2017 at 7:19 am

    1st Photo:
    Mark: “So, since you are probably never gonna get one, I can show you guys, that a David Gemmell Legend Award is like this big.”

    2nd Photo:
    Joe: “Well I don’t know what is the language, that this book is written, but still… This book is my PRECIOUS!”

    4th Photo:
    Mark: “No, I’m not gonna sign you anything Joe, but I can pretend.”
    Joe: “Seriously dude?”
    Peter thinking: “This is intense!”

    Like

  14. September 28, 2017 at 7:29 am

    #1 – Unless the sheep’s bladder is at least this big it can’t prevent an earthquake

    #2 – Joe: “All Peter’s books are edible mate”
    Mark: “Hrmph”

    #3 – There’s the combover, then there’s the messover

    #4 – So I signed her bare chest …

    Like

  15. Greg
    September 28, 2017 at 7:29 am

    Pic. 1

    Mark: “Joe, bruh, One Arm can’t win. Gorgoth’s is at least this big.”

    Like

    • September 28, 2017 at 12:00 pm

      #1 Mark: “And then, just as the Bloody Nine yells “Who’s the rippin’ deliverer now?” Jorg punches the holy stone into his mouth, ducks behind Arlen’s ripped corpse and grins as he is bathed in a shower of gore. And there ends the three-way crossover novel. Great idea, huh? What do you guys think?”

      Like

  16. Mike 'Rob' Robinson
    September 28, 2017 at 7:55 am

    Caption Number 1:

    Mark: So I did this….and then she slapped me.

    Caption Number 2:

    Mark to Joe: I’m slightly piffed that we get these hard-arse seats and everyone else gets the comfy chairs.
    Joe to Mark: Learn to hack it, you Big Girl’s Blouse.
    Peat: Yeah: I got a comfy chair.
    Anna: WTF?
    Peter: Look at meeeee!

    Caption Number 3:

    Peat whispers to Joe: Just keep pretending to read and maybe they’ll go away.
    Joe whispers back to Peat: You have to open the book for that to work.

    Caption Number 4:

    Mark: My hand is really itchy.
    Joe: Maybe because there’s a pink and black umbrella embedded in it. Hold my coffee, I got this.

    Like

  17. September 28, 2017 at 7:58 am

    Pic 1:

    Mark: Listen boys. We got our audience distracted. You go this way, Brett, and I’ll rob them. We meet in the pub in an hour.

    Joe: What about Anna?

    Mark: Shut the fuck up Brett. They’re listening.

    Pic 2:

    Anna: I don’t know who the fuck you are but get off that armchair or you’ll be picking up your broken teeth with tweezers.
    Mark: He’s the butler, Anna…

    Pic 3:

    Joe: So that’s where the last 10 years of my fucking life went.

    Like

  18. Gabriel Rodrigues
    September 28, 2017 at 8:22 am

    Picture 1:

    Mark: So he said ”I hated Prince of Thorns, it was a terrible book.” I asked for a hug and instead I squeezed his head like this.

    Picture 2:

    Mark: I will pretend that I didn’t hear that.
    Joe: Well, I was waiting the perfect moment to give you that spoiler.

    Anna: The hell are you doing, Peter?
    Peter: Exercise of course, my legs went numb

    Picture 3:
    Peter V: Nice cover Mark, you better not disappoint me.
    Joe: Hmm this is not as bad as I thought it would be.

    Picture 4:
    Mark: So i started writing down a blurb about how much I loved your book.
    Peter: You don’t say?

    Like

  19. September 28, 2017 at 10:20 am

    #1 I grew a bra size. Clap for me please.

    #2 My remote controlled whoopee-coushin went off too soon…there goes my joke.

    #3 This new iPhone sucks, all it does is these words things.

    #4 I had this crazy dream where people used sharp sticks and their hands to write down stories. Weird, right?!

    Like

  20. September 28, 2017 at 11:34 am

    Photo 1. Mark: Seriously, my next book is going to be this big!

    Photo 4. Mark: I was out in the garden tending the rose bushes when suddenly I felt this horrible pain in my palm. It was a thorn. Blood was everywhere. I yanked it out and BAM just like that, the idea for the entire trilogy just popped in my head.

    Like

  21. Jason
    September 28, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Photo 4: “And with that, your crochet doily is now complete.”

    Like

  22. Stephen
    September 28, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    Photo 1. “……So then my publisher says “What if Nobody dies?”

    Like

  23. Steve
    September 28, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    Photo 1: “Did I tell you about the book contract that got away? It was THIS big…”

    Photo 2: Levitation and other authory tricks by Peter Newman

    Photo 3: “My favorite line from Peter V Brett’s book? The one where I wrote a blurb on the cover.” ~ Joe Abercrombie

    Photo 4: Y’see, Pete – we call it tea and crumpets. Strumpets are something entirely different.

    Like

  24. Ryan
    September 28, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    Pic 3

    Peter: “So, they call this a book?”
    Joe: “That’s what Mark called it. I think you fan the pages and something is supposed to happen.”
    Anna: “Fan the pages. Why didn’t I think of that?”

    Like

  25. September 28, 2017 at 3:05 pm

    Pic 1

    So then I grabbed him by the head and squished his eyes with my thumbs. Thanks GRRM!

    Like

  26. George Shelton-Eckstein
    September 28, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    1
    …”And then I told them ‘No Maps’!”

    Like

  27. Tyler Anderson
    September 28, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    Photo 1

    Mark: So I just got this idea for a charachter with 8 fingers… what’s wrong Joe?

    Like

  28. September 28, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    Photo #2

    Peter N: WEEEE, look at me, Mummy!

    Anna: *For God’s sake, I wish he’d just sit still for two seconds*

    Joe: I really love this book. I love it!

    Mark: Good for you, now shut up, I’m still talking.

    Peter V: *I love that book, too!*

    Like

  29. T.O.Munro
    September 28, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    For Photo #1

    Mark: “Seriously you guys, I don’t spend any time in advance plotting, planning or structuring my books – why are you both looking at me like that?”

    For Photo #2

    Joe: “OK Peter Newman has sewn up the Tintin impersonation and that means either I or Pete will be Captain Haddock, so Mark – that makes you er… snowy the dog?”

    OR

    Anna: “If fantasy is such a wonderful genre in which to express diversity and individuality – why are they all wearing jeans?”

    For Photo #3

    Anna: Thinks – “It’s so sad how kindles mean people have forgotten how to open real books.”

    For Photo#4

    Joe: “You do realise Mark that you can;t be a proper fantasy author without a beard, Patrick Rothfuss and GRRMartin would agree.”

    OR

    Mark: “On the other hand this is how many fucks I give as to whether my books are labelled grimdark or not”

    OR

    Joe: “Mark, you do know that Peter Newman’s book The Seven is not a grimdark reworking of the Snow White story right?”

    OR

    Pete; “So this is how you English authors make us Americans look up to you, put is in the low chairs.”

    Like

  30. Sumayyah
    September 29, 2017 at 6:26 am

    Picture 1:
    Mark: So according to the grimdark scores that I collected….
    Joe: * seriously Mark!! You’re teaching it to me? I am the LORD GRIMDARK here*

    Picture 2:
    Joe: Buy my book is old fashioned; let’s sell each others’
    Peter Newman: Mark Lawrence will sell my book, I am no more the new-man *giddy with joy – jumps on the sofa*

    Picture 3:
    Anna: He brings Red Sister to Grim Gathering; what was he thinking?

    Picture 4:
    Mark: This Michael Flethcer guy has written a whole book with pen on paper recently
    Pete: Like the whole book
    Joe: How did he spell-check?

    Like

  31. September 29, 2017 at 11:29 am

    Photo #1: Thank you for not laughing as I ache from not catching The Seven.

    Photo #2: Peter’s fart was more forceful, but Mark’s sounded funnier.

    Photo #3: When the Fantasy-writer pose *almost* works…

    Photo #4: Mark: All I had was a tiny scrap of paper and a scene that needed writing.
    Peter (thinking): Oh? Every tried writing a novel on your phone…?

    Like

  32. September 29, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Photo #4

    Mark – I’ve actually already finished writing my next three books and…

    Peter – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

    Joe – Of course you have. Dick.

    Like

    • September 29, 2017 at 9:19 pm

      Photo #3

      In tonight’s CBeebies bedtime story, Joseph reads us The Core, a story by Peter Brett…

      Like

  33. Jonathan Fish
    September 29, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    Photos 1-4 show friends that are at the age that they remember Tomb of Horrors by Gary Gygax. Older now they have gotten together to play the Tomb of Horrors campaign again to see what it was like being killed by a lich King and all his traps in 1975 again.

    Like

  34. Tammy Davies
    September 30, 2017 at 6:02 am

    Photo 1:

    Mark: I don’t care if you’re this big… or even this big… man-spreading in public isn’t OK guys.

    Like

  35. September 30, 2017 at 5:24 pm

    PHOTO 1=”OK,who`s stolen my Cats Cradle.” photo 2=”Let`s hope that was only the invisible Whoopie Cushion exploding.”photo 3=”No,it`s not written in Latin,the books upside down.”photo4=”I also do Palm Reading to make ends meet.

    Like

  36. Joshua Gross
    October 1, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    Photo 1 = Mark: So I took the head like this, and I put my knee thru the face. It was awesome.
    Peter/Joe : ….

    Photo 2 = Peter/Joe – “Hit the button! Hit the button!”
    Mark: This button?

    Photo 4 = Peter: “This is the church, this is the steeple…”
    Mark: “Hang on, hang on…I have to write these steps down. There are actual people…in your hand church?”

    Like

  37. Steve Kimmins
    October 1, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    Photo #1:
    Mark – “ How big is the Wheel of Osheim? Well, only about this big; complicated physics, singularity and all that. Oh, now I understand you, it’s 656 pages…….”

    Like

  38. October 1, 2017 at 6:35 pm

    Photo #1:
    Mark: “I thought of a plot twist THIS big!”

    Photo #2:
    The reaction to “Prince of Thorns” being re-classified as YA fiction, and not Grimdark.

    Photo #3:
    Classic example of pouring vodka into your glass while the bibliophiles are distracted by books.

    Photo #4:
    Mark: “When Stephen King asked for my autograph I also wrote down some constructive criticism, if he takes it onboard he’ll go far that lad.”

    Like

  39. October 1, 2017 at 6:49 pm

    Photo 3
    Mark: So we all should write an epic fantasy series together…. and then we get George and Pat to write the finale!

    Like

  40. October 1, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    I meant Photo 4 😒

    Like

  41. Dave Medley
    October 1, 2017 at 7:03 pm

    Photo #1 : And the second the happy couple complete their wedding vows, they both strangle each other on the altar!

    Like

  42. October 1, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    Photo 1 :- Mark “And the first time I really pictured Jorg’s grim, dark penis in detail it was this big

    Like

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