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that thorn guy 
You’re doing it all wrong – you need more light in your novels 😇
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This is how I used to scratch records back when I was DJ Thorns.
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It’s easy guys. You make a pithy comment on the microphone about how great my books are, then you slug 2 fingers of this vodka. Then pass the mic to your left. We need to break 2 minutes to beat the record.
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“…and when I woke up, I was stroking a camel.”
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“…and then he said ‘get me a bigger bear!'”
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“I know it’s like totally not cheap to post to Australia but dude, if you let her win it she’ll totally love you for it.”
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Hey guys there’s a queue outside this fucking bookshop!
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I don’t understand what’s so funny Peat, The Broken Empire will eventually sell more books then The Demon Cycle….it will…No seriously….Ok stop laughing….
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ML: Pete, you know Scots don’t actually eat haggis? It’s a trick for unsuspecting tourists.
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Imma let you finish, but — Jorg had one of the best kills of all time.
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And you take two completely unrelated words and put them together and Joe uses it as a moniker. Now we’re all stuck with it!
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“Well , YOU would say the demonshit was THIS high..”
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I didn’t notice until after, when I reached for the roll…it was empty! Who would leave an empty roll of TP in a public venue, and not replace it? Why is this so funny to you?!
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Peter V. Brett humoring the completely unintelligible british guy Lawrence and laughing along….
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I’ve been an American longer than Peter V Brett has! 🙂
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So if I was this high…I could still take on Joe. With one hand. And a blindfold. And frozen in carbonite.
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No seriously, you have to have a beard to be a successful fantasy author, try shaving it off and see Skull Throne plummet down the charts into obscurity.
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“So I said to him, ‘Listen here Dinklage, I don’t care who you are. You’re not getting on that ride.'”
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‘Do you want to break her goddam heart? Buy the frikken book already! I’ll shoot puppies if I have to…’ Mark said.
‘Big deal. You already made us watch as one was crippled with a hammer and set on fire.’ Peter replied.
‘HAHAHAHAHA PUPPIES ON FIRE!!’ Joe started laughing and Peter followed him, spreading the laughter.
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“I was drunk and got myself in a bar fight once. He knocked me down. Big man, solid voice. I returned with a blind jab and won. It actually surprised me. 30 minutes later, I got sober and realized he was just THIS tall.”
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“I swear, it was this big! It would have eaten me if I’d given it the chance! I decided to write books after that.”
Mark explaining why he gave up on his dream of breeding prize rats.
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“I shit you not, they asked for a PG-rated edit of Prince of Thorns.”
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I was so pissed i couldnt figure out which lannister it was…. little shit about this big!!
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‘Seriously guys it’s no joke, I used to have a beard when I was this big!’
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Mark: You should see me shake my groove thang. It’s a wonder to behold.
Peter (thought bubble): Suuuure it is. And Jorg is a cuddly teddy bear…
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And then I said do we need to worry about the Winds of Winter release date?
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Mark Lawrence: Relax Brett, that’s not how you kill a character…..
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The shirt? It’s a children’s story about crazy robots and robot poo and Wheel Mouse saving the day. Seriously – check it out here: http://wheel-mouse.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/blog-post.html
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They said they wanted me to replace all the killing with reasonable conversations, so I sold my series to another publisher
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“And I said to her, ‘Oh. My. God. Becky. Look at her butt.'”
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Mark: Look, Peter, I don’t care how many W’s you have behind you. My t-shirt has robots on it. I win.
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And the then Dwarf says to Jorg …..
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See how my hand isn’t shaking. That’s why I am a qualified Ninja
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“So he said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.’ I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books.’…..
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“just like that”..*turns hand over* “not like that” *turns again* “but just like that
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And Abercrombie was like “Just the tip” and we all laughed our asses off. That Joe Abercrombie is smooth.
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Now do you understand the difference between a Scone and a Crumpet
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Of course had someone said that this event was “Author Formal” I would have thrown on a sweatshirt too!
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So then he says “One more, Jorg.” i know right but just wait..he keeps saying it. I know! He keeps saying it until there’s no more legs to break! i know, i know but hold on that’s not even the best part, then he..haha..then he burns him alive anyway!
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No seriously the blood was up to here it was the best elevator pitch ever!
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Mark Lawrence discusses a disappointing lack of hoverboards in the Grimdark genre.
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“And then he asked me if I was going to mention menstruation in my new book”
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