Very many thanks to everyone who entered!
We really enjoyed reading your entries and after some discussion with Pete and Mark we agreed on the following winners:
…and now ladies and gentlemen, as a final demonstration of my awesome mind control powers, I will make Joe punch himself in the nose!
This is how I used to scratch records back when I was DJ Thorns.
You put a baby in a grimdark book? You know that means war?
Mark Lawrence about to surprise guests with one of his sharp-edged awards.